Posted on: January 8, 2020
In this top 10 we present you the most funny Amsterdam Red Light District jokes we ever laid our eyes on. Ten hilarious jokes who anyone can remember. Great to tell in a bar, on a birthday party or while traveling. For when you need a fast funny joke, here are 10 great jokes to get anyone giggling.
Let’s start off with the first Amsterdam Red Light District joke.
An old man is walking in Amsterdam’s Red Light District and passes a prostitute standing at her door.
– She says to him: “Hey Grandpa, why don’t we give it a try?”
* He says: “No thank you. That is no longer possible for me.”
It was a slow night, so the prostitute says:
– “Oh, come on, what have we got to lose; let’s give it a go.”
So, they both go inside the window brothel and he acts like the young man he once used to be.
– “Oh my goodness,” says the prostitute breathlessly afterward, “I thought you said sex was no longer possible for you…”
* The old man says: “Oh, my body is still highly capable; it’s the paying that is no longer possible.”
Two prostitutes are sitting in an airplane. Because it is quite a long journey, one prostitutes asks the other after a while:
– Say, don’t you want to sit at the window?
The other prostitute looks surprised and answers:
* No thanks, I’m on vacation now!
This is one of our favourite Amsterdam Red Light District jokes!
A man wanders around in Amsterdam’s Red Light District. He sees a beautiful prostitute, so he walks towards the window brothel and asks:
* ‘How much does it cost?’
The sex worker answers
– ‘That’s 50 euros’
To which the man answers:
* ‘That’s cheap for double glazing!!’
A Japanese goes to a prostitute. He tells her that he cums 30 times, but after every time he cums, he has to take a breath outside. The prostitute thinks it’s fine, because she has earned poorly lately. So they start having sex, and the Japanese comes, and as agreed, he goes outside, and a moment later the Japanese comes back. This happened 30 times, but after the 30th time, the Japanese is not coming back! So the prostitutes runs outside and asks a woman who is just passing by:
– “Have you seen a Japanese run away here?”
* The woman says: “No, but I just saw a bus of Japanese driving away!”
Three women are talking about their children. The first woman says: I am so proud of my son, he is a surgeon, has a nice house and he has a white Bentley in front of his door. The second woman says: my son is a lawyer, lives in a villa and there is a red Ferrari at the door. The third woman says: I am also proud of my daughter, she is a prostitute, sometimes there is a white Bentley and sometimes a red Ferrari in front of her door!
A teacher asks in class who of the children’s parents earn a lot of money. Peter says: “My mother is a prostitute, she earns a lot of money.” Anne: “My father is a policeman, he also earns a lot.” Steven is rather embarrassed and the teacher asks: “And Steven, does your father earn a lot?” He replies: “My father is a truck driver. If there were no prostitutes and police officers, he would also earn a lot of money…”
An old man goes back to a prostitute in the Red Light District after 2 years. “Is it still 50 euros?” He asks the girl. “Yes, she says. Take off your clothes, I’ll be right there.”
After 5 minutes, she comes back and sees the old man standing naked in the room as he throws his clothes out the window. “What are you doing?” She asks. On which he replies: “By the time I’m done, my clothes are out of fashion …”
A stupid man visits a prostitute in Amsterdam’s Red Light District. She says: “that is 52.50 euro”. To which the stupid man responds: “That’s strange, how do you get such an amount?” The prostitute says: “With me, you also get a drink, so that’s 2.50 Euro extra on the normal price of 50 euro.” The stupid man: “Ah, then it’s fine”.
“But I have to tell you one thing,” says the prostitute. “I don’t have a clitoris.” “Oh, that’s okay,” says the stupid man. “A coke is just fine.”
Two nuns are walking in Amsterdam’s Red Light District, one says to the other:
“What would these prostitutes earn?”
“No idea,” the other nun says.
“You know what, let’s ask.”
So those two nuns walk to a window brothel and ask a prostitute:
“Hi madam, can we ask you something?”
“Of course,” says the prostitute, “just ask.”
“Well, what price do you charge for a blowjob?”
“That’s 50 euro”, says the prostitute.
“WHAT!” say the nuns, “That much?! Then the priest can fuck off with his two bars of chocolate!”
Wesley arrives an half hour late at school half. When the teacher asks where Wesley is coming from, he says:
– “From the prostitutes in the Red Light District.”
The teacher gets angry and tells Wesley to go to the principal. Wesley tells the director why he was sent out. The director has heard enough and sends Wesley home, and the principal calls Wesley’s mother.
When Wesley arrives home he gets a for his head and his mother tells him to go to his room. Wesley walks up the stairs in tears. At the top of the stairs he shouts to his mother:
– “Next time dad can go get his jacket himself.”
Which of these funny jokes did you like most? And, do you know another funny joke about Amsterdam or the Red Light District? Share them in the comment section below!
Martin and Arthur – our local guides – is also a great in telling jokes. Book our Amsterdam Red Light District tours and get entertained.